Thursday, 26 May 2011

One Word

Today Natalie’s post got me to thinking; pick one word to describe who you are since losing your child.

“Different” immediately came to mind. It’s accurate but not descriptive enough.

You know how people say that when they die, their soul leaves their body and then they watch themselves (on the operating table or wherever else) as people try and revive them. Well, that’s me, hanging out above, watching me, my life. Going through the motions, laughing, crying, teaching but not really all there. That’s how I feel.

“Surreal” isn’t the right word because there is nothing “dreamlike” about my world. I totally understand that this is real, that this is my life.

“Elsewhere” came to mind but I’m not physically elsewhere, just emotionally and mentally.

We threw around “Removed” (I got help from my husband and but it’s not quite right.

So far, I’ve short listed “Disconnected” but it’s still not exactly right. It seems too simple a word for such a “Convoluted” existence.

I was about to talk about the guilt I feel about not being totally “here” for my other kids and that’s when I thought of it.


1 comment:

  1. Perfect. I was trying to think of a word while I was reading, but absent is best.