Monday, 2 May 2011

Ulterior Motives

One of the first questions that people usually ask me (after finding out that I've lost a child) is,
"How long did he live?"
I know what they're thinking.
I too thought it (before losing Alexander).
They're trying to figure out whether he lived long enough to be worthy of my eternal grief.
Whether he lived long enough to have existed.
Why don't people ever ask "What's his name?".


  1. I never thought about that. I always figure if I tell people that Caitlin was stillborn, they will say her life doesn't count and I should not even be sad. But I always figured (before meeting loss moms) that once the baby was born, grief was "allowed" indefinitely. But now I'm seeing it's not.

  2. I would say "38 weeks" because that's how long I carried Holden inside me. Why does life begin at first breath when my child who lived inside me never took one?