Monday, 19 September 2011

Part One and Part Two

Lots of times, before people post, they let their readers know that "sensitive" or "[insert topic]" type of information will be forthcoming.

I don't give those warnings. I never really thought about it. Like I mentioned in one of my first posts, I've already been kicked out of all the "Clubs" so why worry now?

In light of my recent feelings about surprise pregnancy announcements (not all of them, just some) and seeing that others too have these feelings (and have been posting about them lately), it got me to thinking.

Should I warn my readers that this post will include the mention of my other kids? I mean, this is a blog about Alexander. I don't know who all my readers are (except those that comment) but I'm assuming that the large majority are BLM's. I'm assuming that they come here to read about my feelings regarding the loss of my son, not the living. I know that some of them don't have living children and yearn for them with every fibre in their body and soul.

Am I being insensitive?

While this is a space to talk about my true feelings regarding Alexander, it's also a place where I can share what I'm really thinking (although I do still hold back a bit) and not worry about the rath of family and friends.

Having said that, consider this your one and only warning. I will be talking about my kids in this post and may talk about them in the future.

If your feelings are hurt by this, I am truly sorry. I wish whatever saddens you wasn't so. I totally understand if you choose not to read me anymore.

Maybe I've made a bigger deal out of this than is necessary. Note to self: Re-read post about "Wise Woman". Moving on.

One of my family members prefers one of my living children over the other. It's obvious to everyone but them.

I'm not sure whether I'm happy or sad that Alexander is their second favorite. I mean, he doesn't know any different but my other child does. While I reap the benefits of this favoritism (hearing his name), my other child suffers (a bit of a dramatization on the use of this word but you get my drift).

This person should know better.

I found myself trying to compensate for the lack of and negative attention on the "neglected child" by "equalling out" the attention myself. However, an unequal amount of my time and energy was focussed on trying to compensate for the family member and not on what my children needed from me, individually. I stopped trying to make up for the family members shortcomings.

I've openly told this person about how I perceive their actions. They've told me "I'm on crack" (pretty much). My husband has offered to say something. It won't change anything. I can't make this person act and be what I want them to be. Thankfully, they are not involved with the kids on a regular basis.

Life isn't fair.


  1. That's how I feel about my grandmother. She won't talk of Chai or even put up a photo of him in her home, but when I was there on Sunday all she would talk about was my nephew. It hurts and I would say something, but what's the use? I'm sorry they think you are on crack when clearly they suck!

  2. This is YOUR blog. You talk about whatever you want here. If anybody is offended by anything you say, their option is to not read the next post. You should NEVER have to apologize for anything you think or write or post. EVER.


  3. You know, I went back and forth with those feelings, too, but you know what, who cares? Be mad, sad, happy, funny, angry, all the gamut of feelings that run around here and there in the BLM mind, and when other people say anything, let it roll off your back-- I thought about keeping anon and my blog wholly private, then I opened wide the doors and put me all out there. I had people tell me I seriously needed help, and well, they can keep telling me whatever. Anyway, YOU be who YOU need to be. And ^^^ is right. NEVER apologize for any of your thoughts or feelings.