Wednesday, 16 November 2011

That Day Has Come

Today was an emotional day. Not in a “crying my eyes out” way but in an “I feel really good about Alexander’s contribution to the world” way.

Since the second moment after Alexander died (the first moment was reserved for my desire to have another child), I wanted to do something big in his memory. I wanted to change the world, make it a better place, big time.

Since his death, I’ve felt kind of bad about not really doing anything (we’ve given a lot but it’s not the same). However, I know myself and I know Alexander and I knew that our day would come.

Well, today was that day.

A while back, I had my mother buy two presents “for Alexander”. She took her task very seriously. After much thought and reflection, she came home with two special gifts. Toys that Alexander would have loved.

I want to teach my kids about many things in life; Acceptance, Charity and Empathy, to name a few. So, today, we gave Alexander’s toys to kids at the Children's Hospital. The place where he lost his life.

People suggested that we should wait until Christmas but;

Christmas (a.k.a. December) doesn’t mean something to everyone.
Sickness doesn’t recognize holidays. Kids get sick all.year.long.
There are sick kids right now that can’t wait.

So, we gave in November.

I kept it together. Not because I had to or even wanted to but because I did. I want this time to be a happy memory.

So many of my thoughts involve sadness or anger. I’m still kind of pissed off (at him) that he didn’t survive. Doing something special for some other child that I can’t do for Alexander makes me feel really good. Actually, REALLY GOOD!!!

I’m glad that it turned out so well and look forward to giving again next year, or sooner.


  1. It makes me smile that you feel good. :)

  2. What a beautiful way to honor Alexander - and you are so right. Sickness doesn't recognize holidays.

    I would bet that in the dreary days of November, you brought light into some little eyes. At Christmas, a bunch of different "groups" will descend on the hospital to "do good." That's fine - but I still say your November children felt especially loved by all that you brought to them...not just gifts, but you, and Alexander, too.

    Cathy in Missouri