I Feel Like a Bad Mother

I read the stories of other BLM's and they talk about how strong their child was and how hard they fought.

Since Alexander passed I've been so mad at him (amongst other feelings). Mad that he didn't make it, that he didn't fight hard enough. Disappointed as my child should have lived, should have beaten that which killed him.

What mother thinks that about their child?

I know what my therapist would say; "If he were here, you wouldn't like what he did all the time and might even be disappointed in him sometime(s). Why is it any different now that he's gone?".

I wish that I wasn't mad at him. So sad for myself. I should be sad for him. All that he lost...

I feel like a bad mother.