Monday, 18 April 2011

More Questions Than Answers

Since Alexander passed, I've been spending a fair amount of time searching for, finding and reading other BLM's blogs.

How is it that I find (at least five) new BLM blogs, yet I don't know anyone in real life whose ever lost a child? If I do (which is likely, statistically speaking), why don't they talk about it?

Technically, I know two woman IRL who have lost children (friends of my mothers). However, one of these women has passed away (so now her daughter, who I'm not that close with knows of loss) and the other one has never talked about her loss (over three decades ago).

Why don't they talk about their loss? Don't they know that their silence makes me feel alone? Doesn't it make them feel better to talk about their lost loved one?

Assuming they do want to talk about them, do they really care about what people think so much that they don't talk about them? Is there some other reason for their silence that I'm missing?

I've recently read some posts where the mothers talk about being a "broken record" and saying the same thing over and over again. I can relate to this. I am a broken record. I don't care because it makes me feel better about saying it. Doesn't it make them feel better? Maybe it did and they don't need to talk about it anymore?

Do you ever notice that when cancer is mentioned, the person lowers their voice. Like they don't want anyone to hear for fear that it (the cancer) is contagious or some kind of a stigma. Is that the way people feel about child loss?

Why do we know so little about loss (present company included) when all of us die? ALL OF US.

Just wondering.

1 comment:

  1. I know exactly what you mean. I actually discussed this earlier on my FB page...the physical therapist was working with my boys and explained to her student how they were twins and how they looked nothing alike...not like the other set of "identical" she sees...Never mentioned to the student she was working with(even though their was a huge picture of the 3 babies together on the wall) that there were 3 when they were born and that in fact the child they were working with DID have a brother who looked just like him...but he happened to die just over a year ago. No one wants to talk about "dead babies" they think it is uncomfortable...sorry it is so freaking uncomfortable for fact many mothers like myself love to talk about ALL of their children...this is what I like about my job. working in an ER taking care of lots of women who are pregnant, and some who are experiencing loss. I get lots of opportunities to talk about my triplet pregnancy, my survivors, and my angel. I hate that even when I try to show my friends "happy videos" of my son, they put their hand over the images and actually tell me they don't want to see that...that it is depressing and sad...I wondered to myself how a beautiful video of my son playing, looking around and smiling was depressing...was it the fact that he was trached with a tube in his nose? So what! Hope it never happens to their kids. By God, I know some mothers don't talk about their loss, but it brings healing and comfort to so many other mothers just to for people to acknowledge that fact that their child existed and meant something other people in this world. I thought about making a blog about all my thought on loss and cerebral palsy a part from my current...ones my "friends" could not judge me by. I love that you have created a blog to express your feelings.